Coming Soon to a Blog Near You:

@ The Colorado Springs church that sent me to a men’s cult group, in town from down South. How I escaped on foot through a muddy field and was rescued from brainwashed pursuers in SUVs by the police.

@ The five times I came close to dying:

OREGON: Mt. Hood, hypothermia on a hiking trip in the freezing rain, 15 miles in. Marched down the mountain with fierce determination, like a robot soldier from Hell.

ALASKA: How my Dad saved my entire family from a grizzly bear attack. We were salmon fishing and the fish smell attracted the bear.

WISCONSIN: Suicidal college roommate swerves into the wrong lane before a hill, not knowing if there was an oncoming car.

IDAHO: Traveling home on the highway, in the night, I was exhausted, yet I didn’t take the off-ramp to rest. Freezing cold, snow and sleet, semi trucks in front and behind. No off ramps for 50 miles. 1,000 foot mountain drop-offs. Low visibility. Falling asleep.

TEXAS: Hit head-on within 12 hours of arriving in the state by a Mexican man with the last name Bustamante, illegal alien, drunk driving, going the wrong way on the freeway. Three cars completely destroyed. Miracle of God no one was hurt.

@ Other true stories:

@ The UFO we saw in Wisconsin.

@ Riding an elevator with Robin Williams at St. Mary’s Hospital in Milwaukee, WI,  and getting a free comedy routine about pain relievers. Told Robin I went to a school like the one in DEAD POETS SOCIETY. He was there visiting his dying father-in-law. Came out in a white undershirt. Hairiest man I have ever seen.

@ Talking with Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) in a meet and greet about George Lucas at a Star Wars Celebration. I didn’t shake his hand, because he was a mythical figure from my childhood.

@ Talking with James Doohan (Scotty from Star Trek) about William Shatner, at an mic– Q and A, Star Wars Celebration.

@ Getting all of President Bill Clinton’s Secret Service guys to look at me at once when I held up a Steadicam rig that looked like a machine gun, when I lived in Bay View, WI.

@ Video recording shaking the hand of the sitting president of the United States, three times.

@ Colorado Springs Police pulled me over, shouting, hands on guns, thinking I stole the car, when I hadn’t yet changed the license plates. Big laugh we had after.

@ Blacking out with rage before beating up the high school bully, who was harassing my brother Bryan. No trouble from the principal.